Powerful is the best word to describe my feelings about the book, Why Won't You Listen To Me! Reading a book written by an author I have been associated with has been a unique experience. I felt a part of the book, a personal connection. I was familiar with many of the situations, familiar with many of the people who were written about and/or quoted. Whether I deserve it or not, I feel an ownership.
As my professor, Dr. J has always given me a glimpse of that which is personal to him, such as his illness, his faith and his intense dedication to his career. The power came in the reading, maybe because the snippets of stories told during class don't always betray the intensity of the situations. For example, to read the detailed account of this terrible illness made it seem as recent and real as it was 1985 wasn't long ago, especially I'm sure, for Dr. J and his wife. When hearing about it in class, it seemed so long ago. I was especially moved by the final quote in this chapter, "You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can always control how you respond to what happens to you ... and there always is hope for something good to happen."
While reading the chapter on case historics it occurred to me that 1, too, could probably write a book based on my 23 years of school counseling experience. However, documentation and journaling have never been strong points for me so I wouldn't know where to begin! These case histories brought back memories of similar experiences I have had, incidents which had been pushed to the back of my mind.
I remember when CPS first established a classroom for students who had been suspended indefinitely from their assigned school for acts of violence and/or bringing a weapon to school. It was called something like "new horizons for a brighter future". We called it the gun club ... and got reprimanded (deservedly so). It was not a joke. But, really, the name they made up for this classroom was so dysfunctional! This class was housed at the courthouse, a step beyond going to Douglass, our alternative high school. Like some of the case studies in the book, some students there were scary and some had just made poor choices. Some returned to school eventually and some did not.
In the classroom of the past, where the three R's were the rule, the four critical R's described in chapter three may have been assumed. Most parents sent their children to school having taught them to respect their teachers, to be responsible for their actions and to know right from wrong. If they did not comply with these teachings, then the reality was there would be a consequence both at home and at school. Now, students must learn to practice the four critical R's before getting to the business of learning the three R's. Also, educators know that they must also practice the four critical R's in order to foster a successful learning environment. This was not necessarily the case in years past, when teachers were not always held accountable for reciprocating.
Chapter four's title, Teaching with Compassion, Not Power, also speaks to today's educator. Not to say that educators of yesteryear did not have compassion, but power was more often the emphasis. Just as empathy (chapter five) was great but not 'required' back then. For some, compassion and empathy come naturally while for others they must be learned. It is no longer enough just to teach. We must be so much more. For some, this is easy. For others, it leads to burnout. I had a teacher say to me just the other day that he did not feel it was his job to know and understand what a student's home life was like. He said that should not be used as an excuse for disrespect at school. While I agree it should not be used as an excuse, if a teacher can empathize with a student's life situation, it makes it easier to deal with the disrespect in a different way.
Chapters eleven and twelve cover subjects we discuss at length during our Active Parenting classes each year. Now I'm thinking, do we need to address these ideas with our faculty as well? Again, while many teachers seem to come by these traits of communication and listening naturally, there are just as many who could benefit from in-service help.
Chapter fourteen talks about being firm, fair, consistent and honest. Too many times we mistake these traits for power and control. We have a teacher in our building that prides herself on being the most feared teacher. She is basically a great teacher who is able to be empathetic, fair, honest, consistent and compassionate, but she also throws in this need to be stern, strict and feared. I continue to chip away at this with her because she really is such a good teacher. I love the Primer on Getting Along With People and especially # 1 which reads "Keep a tight rein on your tongue. Always say less than you think". If more of us could do this, we would save time and conflict!
As a counselor, I think I have learn well how to determine what personality I am dealing with and how to communicate with the different personalities. The ability to adapt your own personality to the personality and style of the person with whom you are interacting is especially important for educators, whether working with colleagues, parents or students.
Chapter 16, You Are Human, Too, reminds us that it is okay and expected that we will make mistakes. Also, that we are not always equipped to deal with all situations with which we are faced. As long as we recognize that and know where to go for help, we'll be okay! We can avoid stress, burnout and depression if we simply recognize we cannot do it all.
The Golden Rule, Chapter 17, goes without saying, for if we follow this, we can find something positive in most any situation. As was mentioned earlier, respect in schools used to be a one-way street in many situations. While it didn't happen in my school, I have colleagues who remember being swatted, humiliated and degraded by 'teachers' in their elementary days. Many teachers demanded respect but did not fuel the responsibility to reciprocate. They used to get away with it! That has changed and while some would wish it back, most realize it was not the way to effectively get through to students.
The final chapters of this book, the letters and the "People are People" excerpts are inspirational, to say the least. This is a part of the book that could be read over and over again as one searches for validation and/or solace.
I have taken many classes from Dr. J over the past four years and this book could be a text for most of them, regardless of their specific focus. When we look at topics of violence, burnout, incarceration, personality, alternative programming and etc., they all center on a common cause, that is educating through positive communication and respect. Most of what we discuss are things I know, but need to be reminded of and/or validated for. Sharing through discussion and experience is the best way to keep ourselves upbeat and on target yet we don't always take the time to do this.
Your (Dr. J) classes and your writings provide a means for making the time. When one reaches the goal of "big brain", the next goal will be to continue sharing and discussing in another venue. Making ourselves make the time will be the key.